There is Always Light in Darkness

So, this chapter ends. I walk into the next more aware of my needs, my strengths and my weaknesses. I have learnt how strong my heart is in sending me signals, how much I can trust my emotions-those that come from my heart and not my ego. That is quite a nice lesson…knowing to value all feelings, even those that are more difficult, because I can recognize them as part of my intuition, part of my heart and God trying to care for me.
One of those feelings that I have finally listened to, is a longing for solitude. I recognize the need to know myself, to learn how to be with myself and to love myself, to heal in solitude and stillness, to fall in love with being alone for the first time, to learn how to fulfill my needs and wants on my own, to explore my depths that in daily life I can easily distract myself from, the longing to feel God’s pure presence in me and around me, the call to meditate and to pray…
So off I go, for the next few days I am wrapping up this chapter in Antigua, taking advantage of living in the non-profit hub of Central America and talking with many awesome young people I’ve met who have started their own projects! Then, starting May 1st, I will be entering into solitude for 40 days! Yes…for 40 days I will be entirely with myself!! I am so so so grateful that there is a place open at a place called The Hermitage, a retreat center connected with the yoga school I was working at last year on the beautiful lake Atitlan. I will be staying in a sweet little cabin in the woods, learning my depths and how to love them…feeling and loving God…it is going to be intense, definitely extremely challenging and so extremely beautiful!! I will pass my 23rd birthday in solitude, and for very extroverted me, this should be interesting!! But I know I am ready…even though my mind tries to tell me “you are too new to the spiritual path”, my heart calls me so strongly towards this, I know I have what I need.

Then…afterwards, in mid June, I start what is my dream job but way better than my mind could’ve ever fathomed!!! I am going back to Hridaya, this yoga school in Mexico, the spiritual community that changed my life, to start a new project for them!! I will be working as the Community Outreach Leader, this means I will be following my heart to discover any openness, any needs or wants from the community and what our hands and hearts can do for them!! Being a bridge, exactly what I feel I am here for in this life!!! 60% of people in Oaxaca live under the poverty line, but as we know, poverty is also much more than physical. My mission will be to see what the people that come to Hridaya from all over the world can do to lessen physical hardships and also to plant seeds of emotional, intellectual and spiritual awareness in a non-polarizing way!!

Truly…all of my life passions in one project!! I thought it would be years until I was ready to be entering into a community to do this type of assessment, to bridge the barriers and create these initiatives, but somehow…at 22, this opportunity has come to me!! I also imagined I would be alone doing this, and now I will be doing this supported by an incredible community that I entirely fundamentally agree with. Especially after the loneliness of the last chapter, I feel so so sooooooo thankful for this opportunity. This is a new project for them so I am extremely excited to see where the wind takes us, but I see this being something crazy beautiful!!! Creating connections, breaking barriers, exploring our hearts as catalysts…so much!!! I feel Christ consciousness will be sparked in many hearts, including my own!! One day, years down the road, I could be starting a school…maybe many…maybe some orphanages, all founded on the heart. Wow!!

I could not be more thrilled by this opportunity. This may very well be years of my life!!! I will be living my passion and supported by a community that really loves me and trusts me! I am ecstatic to be believed in!! Not to mention I will be back in an environment perfect for going deeper in my spiritual practice!!! And back at the beach, able to jump in the sea whenever I wish! Such a blessing!!! Life is way too good!!!!

So…here I am. There have been some bumps, but through all of the loneliness and confusion, God’s presence came through so so so brilliantly. I have so much trust for all that is happening, all the time. This was tested when a few nights ago at a hostel in San Cristobal, I woke up at 4 in the morning to a guy trying to touch me. This aroused my PTSD as well as many other emotions in me, feeling violated felt way too familiar. For a day I felt extremely confused and extremely sad. Then, after a deep meditation and talking with some beautiful friends, I found peace with this. I know that there is wisdom and love behind every situation, I trust that this was what was best for the creep and for me. Somehow, I feel I really needed the fire that comes from this. But, I suppose we shall see what arises in my 40 days of solitude!

Mmmmmm…so many light in every period of darkness!

All of the above are shots from beautiful San Cristobal de las Casas!! I had a wonderful time there exploring this magical city. It felt so good to be traveling alone again. When traveling alone, you are so in the flow of life, you are so open, so available to where the flow wants to take you. I met the most beautiful people, and encountered the most amazing things…mmmmm!!! Afterwards I headed back up to Oaxaca’s coast of Mazunte to my family at Hridaya…this was absolutely amazing!!W


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